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Advice from Rabbi Elozor Menachem Mann Shach zt”l
concerning Shidduchim and Marital harmony

meaning to be the one to give in to the other person’s wishes
to the most extreme degree, especially on occasions when
she is worked up or angry over something, but even when it
concerns something which is seemingly insignificant and she
will not care very much if she does not get her way, even in
such instances one should give in.

It is told over about our master Reb Shloime Zalman Aurbach
zt”l that immediately after the Chupah when he was secluded
together with his wife in their private room, he said to her that
whenever they have a difference of opinion each one should
attempt to convince the other of his point of view in a pleasant
manner, and if they still do not see eye to eye he will bow to her
opinion.

His wife predeceased him, and at her funeral he addressed her
in front of more than three hundred thousand people, saying,
“truthfully speaking I have no reason whatsoever to ask
forgiveness, as we lived our lives together in total harmony
and we were never angry with each other; however since it is
the custom to ask forgiveness from a spouse I hereby ask your
forgiveness!”

5) Not to impose on one’s wife the stringencies which he has
accepted upon himself. Since it is considerably easier for the
man to be stringent than it is for the woman, he should not tell
her to be stringent. Rather he should explain to her the rationale
behind the stringency, and why he has decided to accept it upon
himself. If she wishes to emulate him that is good, and if she
decides not to do so that is also fine.

The issue was concerning someone who sought guidance as
to how he should conduct himself in regard to carrying in the
streets of Bnei Braq on Shabbos. Even though there is an Eiruv
in Bnei Braq, the Chazon Ish was of the opinion that one should
not carry there, or in any town that has an Eiruv. Regarding this
query our master Rabbi Shach answered that one cannot tell

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