Page 50 - Issue 2

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Working with a a a a a a “really good female therapist” helped him him finally end his relationship but once he he he he he started dating again he he he he he found himself repeating the the same patterns “Whenever I I was was on on the the edge of commitment I I was was already starting to shut down emotionally ” he he says “To conceal myself instead of being open and connected ” Following the the advice of his brother he he he attended a a a a a a a 48-hour “New Warrior Training” in in in in 2014 hosted by the ManKind Project a a a a a a a a a global network of o of nonprofit groups that aim to transform the experience of o of manhood through workshops and regular meetings That was when he he he he started to become conscious of of the the social conditioning at at the the root of of his frustration “Suddenly I’m I’m standing face-to-face with a a a a a a a dude five inches taller than me me asking if I’m I’m ready to to to do whatever it takes to to to get what what I I I came here for ” Hodgson recalls “I’d never stood face-to-face with a a a a a a a a man I I I didn’t know and told him something honest about myself But I I said ‘yes’ and walked through that door ” Over the the course of just two days he he he and other first-time men were put through exercises designed to to help them identify self-limiting beliefs such as as “I’m never going to to be be good enough ” ” These “new warriors ” ” as as the the program calls them soldiered on on through a a a a a a a a a a gauntlet of dramatic moments and challenging questions posed by previously initiated men men men At one point they were lifted over the the the the the heads of of other men men in in in in the the the the the the group to “have the the the the the the experience of of of being held by men for the the the the first time ” By Sunday some of of their long-standing assumptions had begun to decompose Hodgson now 48 serves on on the the staff for the the ManKind Project The project which began with a a a a a a 1985 retreat in in in in Wisconsin now serves nearly 10 10 000 000 men men weekly in in in more than 1000 peer- facilitated men’s groups from South Africa to Australia and and western Europe The network is also expanding fast in in Mexico Brazil Japan and and and Thailand Hodgson says interest in in in in the ManKind Project has boomed in in in in recent years partly because of the the #MeToo movement Queries to the the ManKind Project website have skyrocketed and the the the group’s enrollment has risen eight percent in each of of the the the last two years By the the the end of of 2018 more than 68 000 people had completed the New Warrior Training “I hear men saying ‘I want to be part of the solution ’” Hodgson says “How can we provide them ways of being accountable and learning
to to take care of themselves so they’re not putting their emotional labor onto women?”
While there’s never been a a a a a shortage of of clubs catering to males a a a a a a a a specific breed of of of men’s circles arose in in in in the the 1970s as an outgrowth of of the the feminist movement creating spaces where men men could safely interrogate privilege and the norms of masculinity with an an eye toward making society more livable for women Today large-scale organizations like Sacred Sons Evryman and MenEngage as as well as as myriad local groups facilitate these gatherings Like Hodgson Tom Weinreich who’s 29 years old became part of the Brooklyn Zen Center’s peer group for men in in in 2016 after facing difficulties in in in in in in romance His first partner often asked “What are you you thinking? What’s going on on inside you?” Unable to answer Weinreich “threw it back in in in in her her face ” ” a a a a a a a a a a knee-jerk reaction to to feeling vulnerable “There was was a a a a a a a a a a a part of me that wondered whether whether it was was possible to to to relate to to people in in in another way ” ” he he he he he he he says “or whether whether there was was something I was was missing ” ” Meeting monthly under the the premise of “Undoing Patriarchy and Unveiling the the Sacred Masculine ” Weinreich’s group usually eight to ten guys sits in in in in a a a a a a a circle that begins with meditation followed by facilitated discussion on on on a a a a a a a a a a a topic related to to patriarchy “What does accountability feel like in in in our bodies? That’s the kind of question we would ask ” Weinreich says Weinreich’s also seen the the #MeToo movement influence the the discussions in in in in his group For every man who’s been inspired to become “part of the the the solution ” there’s another who who feels that accountability is a a a a a a a witch hunt set up to oppress him “Every once in a a a a a a while someone will show up with this story of aggrieved white masculinity ” Weinreich says “I definitely try as as somebody holding that that space to listen for what’s underneath that that ” “Sometimes someone has this fear and they just need to to to to be able to to to to express it it it ” he he he adds “Not to to to to have have it it it validated but to to to to have have it it it heard so so they can hear hear themselves Like ‘Why am I I afraid of of of being accused of of of something when I’m making the the the choices of of of of what to do? Where is is is this fear coming from?’ On the the the the the other side of of that is is is is this opportunity to see the the the the real real cost—the real real legitimate fears and pain of being socialized as aman ” This year Weinreich helped launch a a a a a a virtual men’s circle called “Organizing White Men for Collective Liberation ” Through regular 90-minute video calls (which Weinreich says