Page 32 - ARUBA TODAY

A32 FEATURE
Wednesday 23 May 2018
The 'King of the Commode' seeks an heir to his thrones

By ALLEN G. BREED, AP Na- yard Kipling poem he was
tional Writer assigned to learn in fifth
ALAMO HEIGHTS, Texas (AP) grade.
— FOR SALE: One tiny king- No one leaves without sign-
dom, with many thrones. ing his guestbook — and a
But it doesn't come with a toilet seat.
hereditary title. Smith is currently working
That belongs, in perpetuity, on a seat commemorating
to Barney Smith — the un- the 2018 Winter Olympics in
disputed "King of the Com- South Korea. He suspects
mode." that will be his last.
"There's a lot of me in there," In 2014, he lost Louise, his
he says, sitting in front of the wife of 74 years. A few
corrugated metal garage months ago, he fell and
he's dubbed his Toilet Seat broke two ribs.
Art Museum. Daughter Julia Murders says
There's a lot of, well, every- they've had offers. A man
thing in there. from India, who wanted to
Smith has one seat deco- buy the collection for his
rated with a chunk of the daughter, offered $20,000
Berlin Wall and another — about $15 per seat.
with a piece of insulation "We discussed it and we
from the doomed Shuttle said, 'Daddy, you know,
Challenger. There are lids In this Wednesday, May 16, 2018, photo, retired plumber Barney Smith, 96, center, greets a visitor you've been doing this your
festooned with flint arrow- to his Toilet Seat Art Museum in Alamo Heights, Texas. whole life. The last few years
heads, Civil War Minie balls, of your life, you've done
Amtrak train keys, Pez dis- It started more than 50 off drills donated by a local then, visitors from every nothing BUT this,'" says Mur-
pensers — even $1 million in years ago, as a way to dis- dentist. state and 83 foreign coun- ders, 69, who lives nearby.
shredded greenbacks from play hunting trophies. Smith readily admits that tries have made their way People have told Smith
the Federal Reserve Bank in Smith says his father would he's no Jasper Johns. to this little municipality that he's sitting on a pot of
San Antonio. spend hours cutting out, "The abstract artist would completely surrounded by gold. But Smith isn't looking
Every inch of door, wall and sanding and varnishing take it and he would spray the city of San Antonio. to cash in.
ceiling space is covered. wooden shields to mount a little paint over here and He asks that visitors make "I want all 1,350 to be intact
The sign out front — a com- his antlers. The son figured a little bit of paint here and an appointment. But he in another museum some-
mode lid, of course — says a toilet seat lid would do say, 'This is the Alamo,'" doesn't turn anyone away. where," he says. "It's not the
Smith's art is "NOT FOR SALE." just fine. Smith says with disgust. "I do Smith uses his walking stick highest bidder. It's not be-
But after five decades and "Well, I'm a master plumber, detail." to point out his favorites. ing raffled off."
countless offers, the king retired," he says. "I thought Smith toiled in obscurity un- Like a lavatory seat from Austin writer and publisher
says everything must go. I ought to stick with my til an artist who'd come by the airplane that carried Daedelus Hoffman says
"At 96, I come out here with trade." to see some of his oil paint- billionaire Aristotle Onassis's Smith and his collection are
a cane. I've gotta hold onto Smith had promised his ings caught a glimpse of his body home to Greece. Or priceless. And he wants to
everything to walk," says wife, Louise, that he'd stop garage and told a local TV the piece of one of Iraqi help preserve that legacy.
Smith, who is bent with ar- at 500. That was 850 toilet station. dictator Saddam Hussein's His Cattywampus Press
thritis and struggles to swing seats ago. "They twisted my arm so un- "thrones." raised more than $30,000
the creaking metal doors "If I would have just read til I said to come on," Smith He regales tourists with the to produce a full-color,
open for visitors. "I'm begin- my Bible as many hours as I says. tale of "Old Rip," the "horny cloth-bound book about
ning to feel like that I'd rath- spent on my toilet seats, I'd The piece aired on a Friday. toad" who emerged alive Smith. "King of the Com-
er be in an air-conditioned be a better man," he says The following Monday, two after 31 years entombed mode: Barney Smith & His
home in a chair, looking at with a twinkle in his eye. other stations came call- in the courthouse corner- Toilet Seat Art Museum" is
a good program." Smith's workshop is stacked ing. Then came the tourists. stone in his hometown of being released Saturday,
Still, walking away will be floor to ceiling with card- "And so I just slung the door Eastland, Texas. He also just in time for Smith's 97th
hard. board boxes filled with open," he says. treats each to a recitation birthday.
"This is my life's history here," odds and ends. He en- Smith officially opened as of "When Earth's Last Pic- Hoffman hopes the book
he says. graves his works with cast- a museum in 1992. Since ture is Painted" — a Rud- will help Smith attract a suit-
able buyer. If nothing else,
he wanted to at least "doc-
ument this piece of Ameri-
cana."
"For me, Barney's story is
about the innate human
desire to create and com-
municate," Hoffman says.
"He is a folk artist. And his
story and his life work merits
preservation."
Smith would love for the
collection to remain where
it is. But if it must move to re-
main intact, so be it.
In this Wednesday, May 16, 2018, photo, a visitor looks as some In this Wednesday, May 16, 2018, photo, retired plumber Barney "I'm ready to give it up and
of the more than 1,350 decorated commode lids at Barney Smith, 96, walks through his Toilet Seat Art Museum in Alamo let it go to London," he says.
Smith's Toilet Seat Museum in Alamo Heights, Texas. Heights, Texas.
The Loovre, perhaps?q