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A30 FEATURE
Monday 22 June 2020
This Father’s Day, dads have new respect for duties at home

By LEANNE ITALIE Utah, Richard Petts of Ball dinner. Things that I usually
NEW YORK (AP) — Rahul State University and Joan- would just do on the week-
Gandhi’s twin girls were na R. Pepin of the University end are now things that re-
born dangerously prema- of Texas-Austin, surveyed quire thought every day.”
ture, with a slim chance 1,060 U.S. parents in mixed- In Boston, 33-year-old Bou-
they would have normal gender marriages in late ba Dieme is particularly
lives after barely surviving April to see how divisions vulnerable to the new virus
birth eight years ago. of housework and child as he awaits a heart trans-
“They eventually came care may have changed plant. He and his wife have
home and beat those since the beginning of the both been working full time
odds,” said the 40-year-old pandemic. Stay-at-home at home since March while
father, who treasures the orders were issued and pitching in with their three
time he’s had to discover schools, child care centers boys, a 5-year-old and
new facets of his young and non-essential business- year-old twins.
fighters while working from es were shuttered, putting They’re among the lucky.
home in Brooklyn during a strain on families and de- Their nanny has continued
the coronavirus pandemic. molishing barriers between to come during the day
Like millions of dads around work and home. Millions of throughout lockdown.
the globe, Gandhi has tak- people lost their jobs. Dieme used to commute
en on more responsibilities The preliminary study found about 90 minutes each
at home during lockdown. that 43% of fathers report- way to his office at a con-
There have been chal- ed pitching in more with sortium working on energy
lenges with distance learn- care of older children, and efficiency at utility compa-
ing, for one, which have 42% reported an overall in- nies. His wife is a director at
revealed important lessons crease in housework time. a Federal Reserve bank.
about his girls. The percentages of moth- “We’ve been tag teaming
“I learned more about ers who said their partners on the older son’s school-
their different personalities increased their time doing ing,” Dieme said. “I feel
in school,” he said. “While housework and caring for very grateful. We’re much
one is quiet and reserved, children were markedly more appreciative of the
which is the opposite at lower, from 20 percent to little things. I’m very patient
home, the other is engaged This 2019 photo shows Bouba Diemé with his wife, Désirée Allen, 34 percent, according to by nature, but the kids can
and raises her hand to par- their 5-year-old son, Buraq Abdou, center, and twin 1-year- the study. “The truth prob- really take me to the limits.
ticipate non-stop, also the olds, Sembène Khalifa, held by Diemé, and Sankara Kokà. ably lies somewhere in the It was a matter of learning
reverse at home. I saw their Diemé said the family’s isolation during lockdown due to the middle,” Garfield said. to be more patient and
coronavirus pandemic has taught him to be more patient with
evolving interests, whether his children. There was no such dis- getting more creative with
arts and sciences or math, Associated Press agreement on what moth- the kids.” Two years ago,
and how much more they ers have been doing. More 34-year-old Tyler Moore left
support each other than I than one-quarter of both his job as a school adminis-
thought.” fathers and mothers re- trator in New York to return
Other fathers, including ported an increase in the to the classroom. He’s been
those who already were housework and child care teaching remotely. His wife
entrenched in housework, that mothers perform. left her job as a pediatric
child care and meal prep, “I think of single parents occupational therapist pri-
have developed a new- with two kids and a job that or to the birth of their third
found respect for the “sec- obligates them to show up child earlier this year just as
ond shift,” a term coined in person. What does one the pandemic struck.
in the 1980s after research do? In the beginning, it “One of my greatest chal-
showed that women still felt like my wife and I were lenges with working and
shouldered most duties at making life-changing deci- caring for the girls has been
home despite working out- sions on a nearly daily ba- that I don’t feel like I’m
side jobs. sis,” said Zach Kubin, who doing any one thing well.
“I’ve almost perfected left New York City for Con- Not until I tried to balance
my one-trick repertoire of This June 17, 2020 photo shows Tyler Moore, his wife, Emily Moore, necticut in March with his teaching, parenting and
girls’ hairstyles that is the and daughters Mabel, 5, center, Matilda, 3, and Margaret, 3 family. helping around the house
months.
pony tail,” joked 46-year- Associated Press Kubin, 37, and his wife have did I truly feel the weight of
old Anthony Bianco, who two children, ages 3 and a this,” Moore said.
became the primary care- that people take teachers reading a book or get- year and a half. Both par- “Before the quarantine I
giver in Brisbane, Australia, way too much for grant- ting down on the floor and ents are working full time at really struggled to under-
to two daughters, ages 6 ed.” spending time with their home. Before the pandem- stand some of the frustra-
and 9, as his wife works as a Pediatrician Craig Garfield kids, this is an unprecedent- ic, Kubin spent most of his tions that my wife had with
community nurse. studies the roles of fathers in ed opportunity for fathers time on the road meeting caring for our girls, man-
He lost a job last October their children’s lives and is a to be really involved.” with clients as head of sales aging the household and
and has been home since professor of pediatrics and According to one prelimi- for an advertising tech crossing things off her to-
another fell through in Feb- medical social sciences at nary study, 45% of fathers company. do list,” he said. “Her pri-
ruary, before pandemic Northwestern University in said they have spent more “I wouldn’t say I’ve be- mary frustration is that she
chaos ensued. Chicago. time taking care of children come the ‘primary caregiv- never seemed to get as
“I’ve been the primary “The pandemic has re- under 6 than they did be- er,’” Kubin said. “More that much done as she thought
caregiver, including doing shaped the way fathers are fore the coronavirus scare I’ve become a `caregiver.’ she would and that she
most of the remote learn- involved with their families sent them home. I make the milk. I change never had thinking time or
ing,” he said. “It’s made and children,” he said via The researchers, Daniel L. the diapers. I think about alone time. I totally get that
us closer. I’ve also realized email. “Whether it’s play, Carlson of the University of what to do for lunch and now.”q