Page 109 - SILFlip

forgiveness needs to address is ownership, because by taking ownership what you are saying is:
“I should have been thinking more about whether what I did could possibly have caused you to be upset.”
That is what you are saying in your head, but it is not how you should say it to your partner.
What you should say (the much better way to ask for forgiveness) is:
“I should have been more sensitive and realized that what I did would upset you. I am sorry and will think about how what I say and do makes you feel.”
Being insensitive to how you affect others (especially those you love) is something worth gaining insight into. The easiest way to become more aware of it is to ask:
“I want to be a better partner. What do you think I could contribute to our relationship that would make you feel more loved.”
These are magic words, but almost no one says them and they are not perfect either. Some people might say:
“I don’t want to have to tell you what to do, you should know.”
This is similar to saying:
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 109