Page 11 - SILFlip

get your back scratched or tickled? I do. But if I don’t tickle my partner’s back, ultimately my partner will resent me.
If you are familiar with the 1980 movie Caddyshack there is a scene where Chevy Chases’ character, Ty Webb, sings a song to a love interest (Lacey Underall) he is trying to seduce. The lyrics contain a certain sophomoric wisdom that makes my point about love and work. He sings these lyrics unashamedly:
I was born to love you / I was born to lick your face / I was born to rub you / but you were born to rub me Kirst /...
Human beings are selhish by design. We behave in ways that serve our instincts to survive. If being in love requires setting aside that interest in order to prioritize someone else’s interests to survive, that might seem like something unnatural. However, if you consider that when people promise to strengthen one another, it is very favorable to both of our basic needs to survive. When we partner, we each enhance, fortify and nourish the other’s capacity to survive. So if you hear me going on about why it is so important to work to make your partner feel loved, Its because if BOTH of you are doing that, you are helping yourselves as well.
Suspending The Expectation of Reciprocity
To commit to doing the work of creating a transformational partnership people must temporarily suspend “the expectation of reciprocity.” This is a fancy way of saying that your commitment to
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 11