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might never have even made), and explosive rages that are out of proportion to whatever it is you supposedly did:
“You know I hate the Taco Bell tacos! I wanted Chipotle and you bought Taco Bell tacos because you hate me. What? Chipotle is like, an extra forty minutes of driving? So what? If you supposedly love me what’s the big deal? And you ate all the French fries in the car!”
Insecurity brings out a lot of very crazy behavior in people — as any cell phone that has been thrown against a wall or thrown out of a car window will tell you. That is why it is so important to build secure attachments with your partner. Secure attachments are “anti-crazy making.” They provide comfort and stability. It’s mind blowing to me that I sometimes have to remind people that love relationships should provide comfort and stability, but people get wrapped up in the toxicity of their relationship and then forget. Like all important elements of a transformative relationship, offering security to your partner requires work, intention and re-dedication. This work happens best when partners decide together not to let hurt build up, and to speak honestly about disappointment.
Another unhealthy dynamic that falls into the “mad” category is the “break up to make up” cycle. There are songs about that, too, so it must be a thing. Some partners ride the bumpy road of breaking up, missing one another and getting back together. One partner might reject the other, the relationship falters for a time, then the other partner might do the rejecting. I often (jokingly) wonder if the best solution to this would simply be to stay together and not speak with
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