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reason why humans explore fantasy, because fantasy is a way of exploring “novel” realities.
What it doesn’t explain is why people also hind so much comfort in “sameness” — what is stable and predictable. We are driven by novelty, yet comforted by familiarity. When I think about whether we are driven more to hind novelty or predictability I conclude we need both. I believe we rely on what is stable and constant so that we are free to seek what is novel, different and stimulating.
When I am in the mood to think I am crazy enough to have higured out some piece of the puzzle of what makes people behave the way they do, I believe that in love relationships the need for both stability and novelty favors the effort to do that which makes love relationships “transformative.” It hits right in to what I have been presenting. Every time a person who partners in love strengthens their partnership through re-dedication and intention they make the relationship more than what it has been. They make the relationship different. In so doing they also make the relationship seek that which made the relationship new, exciting and valuable enough to pursue. They bring back an element of what once came naturally in the beginning “ideal” days of the relationship. Yet when we experience the constancy of love, romance, and dedication we give each other security.
There is additional benehit to hinding newness in an established partnership. When people hirst connect, what motivates them to remain interested in one another is that basic fear of loss that I
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 137