Page 144 - SILFlip

the “real” version who you get to know over time (who is full of bad habits and annoyances).
Re-Experiencing Connection
For a relationship to retain its most powerful loving inhluence on both partners it must leverage the best of both “newness” and “stability.” It is a lot like present shopping at different points in relationships. In the beginning, motivation is high to “hind just the right gift”. There is effort. There is creativity. There is anticipation surrounding giving and getting gifts. There is also worry and uncertainty about not getting “the perfect gift” (this worry representing the telltale signs of fear of rejection, and fear of abandonment.) As time goes on and you put the time, energy, dedication and intention to learn about your partner, you are bound to know what your partner might enjoy. It might not be a material object, it might be putting some effort into doing something. Yes, I know it might be something sexual but if that creates a higher awareness of the importance of placing a partner’s needs above your own then that’s hine. Getting a good gift requires, intention, work, dedication and empathy (“If I were him/her what would I like?”)
Getting someone a good gift or present, is a bit like contributing to a transformational relationship — you have to think about it. You have to step into your partner’s shoes and consider if they would like it. You have to “intend” to make them “surprised,” “happy,” and “loved.” In turn, you will feel satishied if the gift is appreciated and
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 144