Page 31 - SILFlip

which makes us a better partner. Honest self-appraisal helps us understand how to become better partners. It is also an important part of the reality testing we all must do when our partner brings something that has made them upset or disappointing to our attention.
Forgiveness
No intimate relationship succeeds without forgiveness. Forgiveness is a tough task because of that adage “forgive and forget.” Most people can forgive a disappointment in a love relationship — and what that usually means is that they will give you a coupon or opportunity not to screw up again. The problem is that those coupons run out. Forgiveness is a wonderful human process which gives us the opportunity to renew and restore relationships that we do not want to lose. But the “forget” part of that famous saying is not something many of us can do; and I am not sure we should do it. Forgiveness leaves a residue of mistrust on the foundation of a relationship. I believe that is because many of the things we need to be forgiven for involve lying. We all lie. Some of the conservative research I have encountered suggests that people lie at least four times a day or close to hifteen hundred times a year. I think that number might be an underestimate for people in intimate partnerships, especially when you consider interactions such as:
“Hey something looks like it’s bothering you...”
“I’m okay.”
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 31