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important to manage expectations and make realistic appraisals of just how much your partner can change and how much you need to dial back the extent to which you demand change. It starts with your contribution to the “maintenance” toof the relationship by being patient and doing the very difhicult task of telling your partner that you need something more than what they are putting out. That is when the focus of interaction becomes the question:
“Is my partner disappointing me?”
Because they are because no one is perfect; and when partners do not address disappointment, that disappointment creates resentment.
Interestingly enough, the reason why expressing disappointment is such a difhicult thing to do, is because even though you might be disappointed by your partner, saying you are disappointed might sound like a parent scolding a child for misbehaving. I suggest you say something like:
“Peter, I need something from you and I would appreciate if we could talk about it. I would also like to hear if there is anything you need from me.”
I like this better than a lot of ways to open a conversation where you are trying to bring your disappointment to the attention of your partner. The reason it’s better is because it is an “invitation to collaborate.” It is a way of saying:
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 39