Page 10 - How Children Learn to Hate Their Parents

perfect for legal papers but unwise to guide and direct the process of relationship repair.
Alienation Makes for Great Debate But Poor Problem Solving - And You The Rejected Parent Gets To Pay For It.
The term "alienation" does what every "theory" does -- it creates evangelists and detractors and sparks debates over whether the theory actually explains something real. Alienation does not explain anything. It merely gives a name to something we have all seen many times before--the observation that high conflict divorce creates a secondary type of divorce, divorce between a parent and a child. In scientific terms this is sometimes called "reification" -- the act of trying to explain something complex and often abstract by giving it a name. But giving something a name does not explain it and in the case of estranged parents and children defintely doesn't fix it.
Alienation is a problem without a solution. If there were a solution to parental alienation, we would not need to fight so vigorously over what we should do when rejection happens. But we fight to assign blame because that is easier to do and it makes money for attorneys and mental health experts and "treatment providers."
Speaking of treatment providers, can you imagine how it might feel to have a problem with your heart, then sit down with a cardiologist who tells you,
"You have a serious problem and I am going to tell you that what you should do about it is to go see someone who thinks they can fix it, but the way they are going to try to fix it is not taught anywhere, has no basis in research, has no known efficacy, is not done the way they are going to do it by anyone else, costs a lot of money and might kill you."
In the case of an estranged relationship with your child you will also hear this...
"Oh, and by the way, a judge is going to tell you that you have no choice to do this and you might have to do this for an unknown duration of time, until you run out of money or your child is old enough to decide to terminate his or her relationship with you--and you might never see them again after that."
This is what we demand from people who are rejected by their children as if the pain of rejection could not possibly be enough. The fact is the pain of the rejection is only the very beginning of your heartache.
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