Page 107 - The Intentional Parent

The difference between doing nothing because you don’t want to be bothered to lead when leadership is required versus not acknowledging behavior that is irritating, self-interested and discourteous is a matter of whatever else is happening at the time. For instance, if your child is embarrassing you in public or otherwise puts you in a position where time out is not possible you might have to ignore behavior that you might usually correct.
Do not argue or escalate conflict in public places, and do not admonish by saying, “Wait until we get home...” Children learn more when you handle their behavior with actions than with warnings. When you have a track record of providing consequences, then warnings can be effective, but I always prefer action to warnings.
So, here you are with your child arguing and being difficult in a setting and at a time when you really can’t do much about it. Worse yet, you are being mortified by their behavior.
Step One: Describe the behavior you are seeing. Do not relate it to yourself because children should behave in ways that reflect more on them than it does on you, so avoid this:
“I am very disappointed in your behavior right now...”
Instead, describe the behavior as it relates to the child:
“The behavior you are showing right now is not making you look... (mature, like you capable of controlling yourself, like you can control your temper),” or in the alternative, “The behavior you are showing
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 107