Page 108 - The Intentional Parent

right now makes you look (immature, angry, like you cannot control your temper, selfish,etc.”).
This type of admonition is meant to help the child understand how other people are seeing them, and make them self conscious about it. You might not believe that kids care about how they look to others but most kids after seven years old or so, do.
Do not insult them by saying things like, “this behavior makes you look (stupid, ignorant,crazy, etc.) Doing so only teaches your kids how to insult others.
Step Two:
If the behavior doesn’t stop, add, “I hope you understand that there are consequences for this type of behavior.” Use a low tone of voice. Do not get overly excited. Yes, this is a threat, but is is a very non specific threat. You are not saying, “Wait until we get home,” which often emboldens kids when you don’t follow up. Instead you are saying, “OK, we are in an environment which I do not completely control right now. When I am in control of the environment this behavior will not escape my memory and it will catch up to you.” The older kids get the more they need to realize that there is more of a give and take relationship between parents and children, and a lot of what parents do for kids is completely optional -- driving places, purchasing that “special” pair of sneakers, permission to go places, stay our later, extra spending money, cell phone privileges.
You never have to impose a punishment. You merely have to wait for a request for a privilege, then say, “Sorry, but after what you did (explain the circumstances) I don’t think that it would be a
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 108