Page 115 - The Intentional Parent

MY CHILD LIES:
I am not quite sure how this happened, but my child lies about almost everything. How do I stop this?
Like most maladaptive behavior in childhood, lying is a habit. This habit forms when a child is rewarded for lying by achieving some kind of gain (the lie succeeds) or kids will want to avoid what will happen if they tell the truth. When whatever method they use to avoid the truth succeeds, it strengthens their motivation to lie again.
The goal for parents is to make telling the truth easier than lying.
Here is an example. You ask your child if he has any homework. He tells you "No,"because she knows there is a good chance that if she says that, you will leave him alone. If it works, he has successfully avoided an unpleasant task. It may even work better than he planned, because the next day, when he goes into school, if his teacher falls for whatever excuse the child gives, then he has lied successfully, twice.
This can go on for the whole year, until parents read something on the child's report card that indicates there are tons of missing assignments. Now, kids should only be able to run this scam once,because after you find out they have been lying about home- work you can stop it by increasing your child's accountability. One way of doing this is to arrange a conference with your child’s teacher and work out a weekly homework progress report that goes directly from the teacher to the parent.
You have effectively removed the opportunity to lie, and with that whatever benefit was gained by avoiding the truth.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 115