Page 124 - The Intentional Parent

STEALING
The other day I caught my ten-year-old son stealing ten dollars off my bedroom dresser. This alarmed me and my husband. We confronted him about it, but he just kept denying it. How should we handle it?
When parents suspect that their child has stolen from them they are, all at once, terrified, ashamed, embarrassed, angry, and heartbroken. This cascade of feelings is likely to cause you to come up with any number of strategies for confronting the problem. Certainly, it should never be done by just one parent if both are available. The discussion that should precede your action should focus on why your child might feel the need to steal. Sometimes it is a sign that the child is feeling unattended to or neglected. Sometimes it signifies anger or acting out because peers might have access to something that he doesn't have access to (trading cards, video games, sneakers with ridiculous gadgets built into them, whatever). In rare but serious cases, it may be to support a developing drug, alcohol, or cigarette habit. Realize that stealing is not necessarily an omen of a lifelong tendency to participate in criminal behavior. More than likely it is not. Just be sure to discuss all of the possibilities. Aside from giving you some reasonable hunches, it will also take the edge off some of your anger.
If you have seen the action take place, please resist asking a bunch of questions designed to let your child incriminate himself. For instance, don't say "Planning on making any major purchases in the near future, Joey?" or "Have you seen a ten-dollar bill that was on my dresser?" Similarly, don't try to pretend that you have super- sleuthing powers by making up a dumb story like, "You know, I
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 124