Page 122 - The Intentional Parent

short, but well-deserved trip to the local in-patient psychiatric facility? This would be another acceptable reason, since parents can sometimes get so enraged at this kind of behavior that they worry that they will lose it big-time. These thoughts and feelings can take you far away from the position you want to be in when dealing with this kind of behavior. By this time your daughter is an expert. She's got a specialty. She's got a lot of time under her belt. She's got confidence. She's got an impressive track record. You need a plan. Here it is:
Confront the problem on your own terms, during a time of your own choosing. The worst time to confront the problem is when she's doing her thing and emotions are high on both ends. Wait until everything's cozy. Offer her a little extra time up at bedtime. Kids will do anything to avoid going to sleep—they'll even entertain thoughts of changing their behavior (actually, they won't see it like that, but it will help if you do). Next, bring up a recent situation and explain that you have been giving it a lot of thought and have come to realize that there is room for improvement in the way certain decisions are made. Then, completely shock her by saying that sometimes you are a bit too quick to say no when she asks you for things. Observe the glazed look of almost delirious satisfaction that comes over her. At this point you have actually hypnotized her into thinking this conversation is about you and your behavior. Tell her that you would like to give her more of what she wants with less arguing and frustration.
Now comes the part where you shift gears a little. Tell her that the reason you are so quick to say no is that everything has become such a battle and a struggle that you just want it to end as quickly as possible. Offer to point out that the next time she asks for something you will say, "I'd like to think about this a little before I
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 122