Page 139 - The Intentional Parent

physically incapable of controlling a bowel movement. (Sometimes parents can predict when their kids are going to have a bowel movement and will hold them over the potty until they go. This is a wonderful case of toilet training the parent, not the child.)
NO INTEREST IN TOILET TRAINING
Our three-and-a-half-year-old son shows absolutely no interest in learning how to use the potty. We've tried bribing him, but that doesn't work. We let him run around the house without a diaper, hoping that when it's time to go, he'll want to use the potty, but no way. He would rather have a bowel movement behind one of our chairs or even under our kitchen table! This is very frustrating. What can we do?
Yes, it does sound quite frustrating, but believe it or not, this is a pretty common story. It doesn't take a Sigmund Freud to see that there is a power struggle going on between you and your son. He knows that it has become very important to you to see him go on the potty. He has decided that, for some reason, he'd rather not do you that honor just yet. The best thing for you to do is back off. Put him back in a diaper. Encourage him to spend more time in the bathroom. Talk positively when he's in there. Don't bribe him to go on the potty, because he will think that going on the potty is something to do for someone else, not for himself. Be supportive, but don't light off any fireworks when he finally goes. Going to the bathroom on the potty is an act of etiquette that people who live in a civilized society perform. It's no great shakes—unless you make it out to be. In time, the whole issue will become pretty boring, and he will think of more creative ways of driving you crazy. You will then wish for the days when all you had to worry about was potty training!
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 139