Page 169 - The Intentional Parent

you, even if they don't seem to be too important to him. Second, you and your husband need to make up for the recognition your son is not getting from his older brother. Acknowledge his accomplishments, praise and reinforce him, and stick up for him when his brother gives him a hard time. Third, heap mounds of praise onto the older son when he does show sensitivity, any sensitivity at all, to his younger brother.
POPULARITY DIFFERENCES
My eight-year-old daughter is very popular, but my twelve- year-old daughter has trouble making friends. Every time my younger daughter has friends over, the twelve-year-old tries to ruin it for her and her guests. What can I do about this?
Parents always remark to me about how totally and completely different their children can be from each other. In this case, one of your daughters seems to be very outgoing and gregarious, while the other daughter has a difficult time making friends. Her reaction to your younger daughter's friends is obviously an expression of envy. Many parents in this situation would advise the younger daughter to try to adopt the older daughter into her social life, so that, perhaps, the older daughter might learn to enjoy her sister's friends and therefore not feel the need to be so disruptive.
This is a tough one to pull off, especially with girls. Girls develop strong one-to-one relationships, and adding a "third" tends to create complications. Your older daughter should not have to rely on her sister to make friends. In time, they will both come to resent the situation. Instead, take your older daughter aside, perhaps even plan a special day with her, and find an appropriate time to express your concern over the fact that she doesn't have too many friends. Try not to interrogate her by
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 169