Page 174 - The Intentional Parent

harmed by an overnight visitation? There might even be some benefit to be gained by overnight visits. For instance, it is better to get your daughter used to visiting her dad's house sooner rather than later. If you wait until she is five years old, she will be so used to spending all of her nights at your house that she might be terrified of leaving. How much of a true picture of your daughter's growth and development will your ex-husband have if he is only allowed an occasional brief visit with your daughter? Many counselors are beginning to specialize in the problems created by divorce. I suggest you seek one out. The counselor will evaluate the situation and listen to your concerns over whether your ex-husband is prepared to have an overnight visit with your daughter. If, for some reason, the counselor feels that the child's father isn't ready for that kind of responsibility, he or she will be able to work with him and bring him to that point. If your husband has relatives (such as your child's grandmother or aunt) who live nearby, perhaps they would be willing to help him get used to the idea of having a baby around.
Many fathers are now demanding to be treated as equals in divorce situations, and I believe they should be. Mothers often complain that their ex-husbands only take their children out for good times and then drop them off before any of the real parenting work is done, yet they refuse to give these dads the opportunity to participate. The judicial system is waking up to the rights of fathers and will often be very sympathetic to fathers who want equal parenting rights.
As with everything we have been speaking about your child’s temperament plays a role. Some children are easy going with respect to change, some are difficulty. Your child’s ease with change and transition should be the driving factor for determining at what age there should be overnight visits.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 174