Page 172 - The Intentional Parent

not having to correct your sister's behavior, but that doesn't make me love her more. There are plenty of things I enjoy about you, too.”
DI VORCE
Some twenty years after we have begun to study the effects of divorce on children, the jury is still out as to what the effects of growing up in a divorced family are. We know that overall, statistically, most children survive divorce fairly well. The research shows that children from divorced families do, however, go through a period of one to three years of difficult adjustment. Their school grades suffer, they spend more periods feeling blue, and they tend to have acting-out problems. Several studies show that children from divorced homes tend to have problems in their own interpersonal relationships.
In my clinical practice I have seen kids who are devastated by divorce and require a lot of outside intervention and support. I also see kids who manage the circumstance very well and come to terms with the situation and adjust to it nicely. There is one thing I am absolutely positive of: it is you, the parents, who are responsible for how much your children are troubled by your divorce. If you want to ruin their lives, be sure to fight in front of them at every visitation. When you are with them, be sure to make sarcastic or, better yet, openly hostile comments about your ex-spouse. Do your best to keep your children away from the noncustodial parent. Quibble over money. Conduct yourself immaturely at school functions so that, eventually, your child has to do without one of you there on some of the most important days and nights of his or her life. When your kids are at your house and your ex-spouse calls, be sure to keep them away from the phone, or eavesdrop on their conversations. And finally,
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 172