Page 213 - The Intentional Parent

don't equate their grandfather's death with sleeping, or children might be afraid that if they go to sleep, they will die. By the same token, unless it is a formal part of your religion, try not to say that the person died because "God wanted them to." If you tell a young child that, he might get angry at God, and if it is your intent to foster spirituality in children, this might not be the message you want to send.
Your nine-year-old will no doubt be sad and upset. He also might not know how to react, so it is a good idea to prepare him for the events that will take place, whether it be a wake, a funeral, or some other religious service. Going to a wake might be a very troubling experience for a boy of nine, so I would tend to make attendance at such a ceremony something optional.
Now, regarding the question of what to tell the children about their grandfather: I don't think there are many options. Begin by saying that you are sure they know that Grandpa is very sick. Gently tell them that you have recently gotten some upsetting news, which is that the doctors think he might die very soon. You might want to discuss the possibility of visiting him, but be aware that hospitals can be very frightening to young children, especially if their grandfather has tubes or other life-support equipment attached to him. Their grandfather's general level of discomfort or awareness should also be taken into account. Let your children express their grief and discomfort without telling them things like "Be strong." Sadness and crying are appropriate expressions of grief and should never be inhibited.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 213