Page 212 - The Intentional Parent

clinical depression: she has stopped calling her friends, she has given away her possessions, and she expresses a strong feeling of sadness and hopelessness. Counseling is absolutely essential in her case. Not only is she depressed, but she might be at risk for self harm or suicide.
WHEN A LOVED ONE DIES
My children are five and nine, and their grandfather is very ill. The doctors say he will probably not survive more than a month. Both kids are very close to their grandfather, and have never experienced the loss of anyone close to them. I am worried about how their grandfather's passing will affect them, and I would like to know how to prepare them. What can I do?
The children will experience grief very much like the rest of us do. They will miss their grandfather, cry, and become upset and confused over the loss. Talking to parents about the loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult things for me to do as a psychologist. My training points me in the direction of trying to comfort people who are upset and giving them solutions on how to live a better, happier life. When parents talk to me about death, I have no solutions. I frequently remark that our feelings about losing the people we love really don't change much from childhood to adulthood; it's just that the more we experience it, the more we come to expect it from time to time. That doesn't make it any easier to understand. It just makes it a bit more familiar.
Your five-year-old will have a different experience from that of your nine-year-old. At five years of age, children may not fully understand the finality or permanence of death. Be sure that you
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 212