Page 64 - The Intentional Parent

as “bad” for fear that the child will think he or she is “a bad person.” But, did I really need to say “undesirable?” I think that the emphasis is on the wrong issue here. As long as children understand the difference between the things they do, and your opinion of them as people, it is fine to refer to their behavior as “bad” (even though I did not do it above). I hear parents telling two year old children that their behavior is “inappropriate.” However, if you say it or anything else in a tone of voice that indicates disapproval and disgust you can say that behavior is “inappropriate”,“unwonderful,” “bad” or whatever else you want to say and it will all sound like you are telling your children they are bad human beings.
Natural versus Imposed Consequences
At some point in your parenting interactions with your child you will either say:
1.“You did this, so now you can’t do that...”
2.“You didn’t do this, so now you can’t do that...”
3.“If you don’t do this, I am not going to let you do that...” 4.“If you don’t stop doing that, this will happen...”
...and assorted variations on these themes that all parent’s become familiar with over time. These are all ways of helping kids understand the consequences of their behavior.
When you employ imposing consequences as a way of managing your child’s behavior you are performing one of the most important parenting leadership tasks of all, which is teaching your child the relationship between behavior and outcome.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 64