Page 65 - The Intentional Parent

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to appreciate the Buddhist philosophy that we are all the architects of our own destinies. In other words, whenever we make a choice to behave in certain ways, we are pointing ourselves directly at ALL of the consequences that we could encounter as a result of that behavior -- both good and bad.
When parents take a step back and let a child experience a behavior that they know will likely produce an unpleasant outcome they are letting children experience the “natural consequences” of their behavior. Sometimes we call this “learning by experience.” But not everything can be learned by experience. You would not want a child to learn the value of crossing the street safely simply by experience.
Good leadership is always intertwined with good “teachership,” so effective family leaders, through the rapport they establish with their children, can teach their children the relationship between behavior and outcome through their parent-child communications. If you have put in the time to develop good communication with your kids, it will be much easier to help “talk them through” the consequences of certain behavior, and when you do that, you are getting the added benefits of teaching you children to become intentional, purposeful thinkers.
Finally, parents can instruct children about the outcome of their behavior by imposing consequences on their children for bad behavior after it happens. Taking away items or privileges or imposing a time out are common ways of doing this. One would think that applying a consequence “after the fact” would be enough to teach children the errors of their ways but often it is not. If parents do not consistently follow through on the consequences
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 65