Page 72 - The Intentional Parent

Timing Makes a Difference
Depending on the nature of your child, the timing of how you express the relationship between behavior and outcome (consequence) can make a difference. The younger a child is (and also the more stubborn a child is) warning about a consequence might not have much of an effect.
However, most children whose temperaments show that they can be influenced by parental authority (most five through twelves) are quite impressed by conversations which point out the relationship between behavior and outcome. You can tell most children things like:
• “No video games until after you’ve finished your homework and I check it.”
• “If you come home past curfew you are grounded for the next two days.”
• “No special privileges if you are aggressive to your sister.”
As long as you stick to the consequences you lay out, the behavior you are looking to mold will occur much of the time (but do not expect perfection as kids test parental limit setting constantly.)
If children do not yield to the relationship between behavior and consequence enough to meet your expectations, delivering the consequence is still a “natural outcome.” The difference between simply delivering a consequence and “laying it out” before the undesirable behavior occurs really depends on whether your kids ignore you when you talk about their behavior. If they do, stop talking about it, and show your child you mean business by acting on their “bad” behavior (there, I said it). Another way of saying
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 72