Page 71 - The Intentional Parent

privileges and “extras” could not be considered until his behavior changed. Havoc ensued for the next two weeks and then the new leadership fell into place.
Mark’s moods and demands were the authoritative force in the household. His parents had given him so much authority that he became insulted when they would not yield to his (often outrageous and inconsiderate) demands. I only needed to teach these two simple facts to re-balance the power and control issues in their household:
1. Mark depended on his parents for the things he could not do for himself (like take him to a friends house for a play date).
2. That Mark determined the outcome of his behavior based on his parents requests for civility and his ability to abide by those requests.
The example above is an example of “natural consequences.” Using natural consequences involves having enough patience to avoid lecturing and threatening. It also involves confidence in the knowledge that your children need you and rely on you and that much of what you do for them is optional. Kids can easily get to the point where they treat their parents as indentured servants -- but that can only happen when parents allow it by abdicating their leadership role. Setting things back in the proper balance takes time and patience, but sticking to your guns works more times than it doesn’t.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 71