Page 81 - The Intentional Parent

You can reward a child:
• materially with toys, food (not recommended), money, etc. • with activities or privileges
• socially, with praise and affection
Giving money, tokens, stars, toys, presents, etc. are examples of material rewards. “You do this -- you earn that,” (where that is a material thing). I don’t recommend rewarding kids that often with ice cream, soda, candy or nearly any type of food. The reason for this is that our culture emphasizes rewarding ourselves with food and the more we learn to reward ourselves with food, the more obese we seem to get as a society. Parents looking to teach their kids proper nutrition should emphasize that food is not the center of our being. There is a separate book I could write here about the role food plays in our psychology and our parenting, but that would be too far afield of our topic in this book.
Activity rewards exchange a promise for permission to do an enjoyable activity (watch television, play a video game, etc.) paired with the performance of some desirable behavior (doing homework, chores, etc.).
Social rewards include praise, smiles, hugs, snuggles, “I love you’s” and any behavior that makes a child feel loved. Social rewards can and should be given out generously, but they can be overdone. Some parents hate when I say this because it sounds like I am telling them to “ration” love. I am not saying this at all. What I am saying is that you cannot raise a child to be a competent person if you don’t distinguish acceptable versus unacceptable behavior for them. It starts in the toddler years when kids are mobile enough to destroy their surroundings but perhaps not
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 81