Page 82 - The Intentional Parent

advanced enough to understand the logic of why it is not a good idea to turn the caps on bottles decorated with those pretty little skeleton heads, (Yes, I know those bottles are child proofed, but presumably you get the idea.) Even as babies you can’t always use a sing-songy voice to steer them out of trouble. “Learn to be stern.” It’s also a part of loving kids. I know you adore your kids, but the world outside might not, if you don’t teach them the basics of politeness, self control, and managing the space around them. It’s all connected and if you don’t believe me, come visit some public spaces in New York City where there are so many people from so many cultures, screaming into their cell phones without the slightest regard for anyone else around them. Selfish, rude behavior seems to be all around us. If you want to set your kids apart from the “mob,” that is aimlessly led by popular culture, media, commercialism, etc., it is you who must lead them.
In summary, you can provide any of the above in any volume or proportion but if you do not do it systematically, as a part of your leadership role, it might not have much of an effect on your child’s behavior even if we can all agree that “reinforcing a child’s behavior is good.” I would say that reinforcing a child’s good behavior is good, but reinforcing a child, especially materially, for no particular reason except that you want to show that you love them is not so good. The practical explanation for this is that if you reward your child materially for no particular reason except that you love them, and they then ask you for things you refuse to provide, they will act as if you don’t love them. Put a star next to that last sentence.
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 82