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won’t make you feel better, either. the passage of time. For example, there’s a
very real chance that they’ll think you were
2. Assess. If you are not able to visit your there yesterday when you see them for the
loved one, assess if they can use the tele- first time in a week.
phone. Have you called them before? Do they
understand who is calling when you speak? Think through creative options if you’re look-
How is their hearing? Consider whether it ing for ways to connect with loved ones with
makes sense to reach out to them via phone. dementia without using traditional phone
3. Prepare. If it DOES make sense to reach calls. For those who are local and in-person,
out via phone, make a little script of what try visiting a loved one from the other side of
you want to say to them. I would recommend the window.
avoiding a whole explanation of why you can’t Here are some more creative options we’ve
visit. It is likely to be confusing and isn’t really seen people accessing in the last few weeks
solution-based. A good thing to say is, “I’ll see • Video calls: be sure that you’re asking for
you soon, things have been pretty busy lately, help with video calls when you need it—can
I love you and I’ll be by ASAP.” a staff member help your loved one get set
4. Don’t over-introduce. This really goes for up? Perhaps you can set up transcription on
any phone conversation, but try to not over- the calls so that each person can listen and
introduce yourself. By this I mean, don’t call read.
and say, “Hi, Mom, this is your eldest daugh- • Pen pals, virtual or pen and paper: write
ter, Lynn.” (Unless, of course, that’s the same to a loved one by more traditional means,
sentence you have been using this whole time or even use a whiteboard on one side of a
and it would be strange to change it now). I window to get your message across. You
recommend something like, “This is Lynn,” can also try text and virtual messaging
because it gives your listener an opportunity systems for this!
to define who Lynn is to them. Your Mom may
know that Lynn is her daughter, but she may • Sharing art: can you share artwork with a
be picturing Lynn as a 10-year-old. You don’t loved one, virtually, by mail, or through the
sound 10, so she thinks you’re a different window? Draw for each other or share your
Lynn. favorite artist’s work.
5. Get help if you need assistance to make • Virtual trips: I’ve seen more and more mu-
the call successful. Can a staff member at seums and programs offering virtual trips
their community help them use the phone? and sightseeing—what a cool way to “take
Can you find a phone that transcribes mes- a trip” together!
sages as you’re speaking, so that they don’t • Outdoor programming with megaphones or
miss a word? music events: can you be together, listening
6. You are doing your best. Recognize that, to the same music, while still staying 6 feet
no matter your circumstances, you are doing apart?
the absolute best that you can. Your loved Continued on page 35
ones know that you love them. You are not
neglecting your person by not seeing them
or calling them: you’re doing the best that
you can to keep them safe and happy. Most
people living with dementia who cannot use
the phone anymore also do not understand