Page 142 - Extinguishment of self, in search of dhamma

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In the past, I was very concerned about Than Mae Kru (Mother Teacher). When she went out and came back, and she was tired, I was concerned. Because of my concern, my face appeared very downcast. She would admonish me to brighten up my face. When she came back to the meditation center, if she saw bright and happy faces, they would give her energy, to get back to work. But, seeing downcast faces, they made her lose all her strength. True! When practitioners are very concerned about me, they will show their concerns. This actually makes me even more tired. Being tired from work, I still need to take care of practitioners, ensuring that they feel okay.
Then, I think of Than Mae Kru. In the past, she worked hard—many tasks that we were not aware of— tasks that required a lot of mind-power. Then, she became tired—so I was concerned. So, when she came back, I quickly went to her because of my concern. But, my face was downcast—due to my concern. Ah, it was like this—I needed to brighten up my face. So, I tried to smile—a forced smile. What can we do? We need to be calm, be still, in order to generate a (positive) ambiance.
Another thing that Than Mae Kru tried to teach practitioners. In the past, there was no teaching about ambiance and power. But, as she taught, she would say that we need to have an ambiance to support us. When we have the intention to have an ambiance to support, to