Page 9 - Glory & Grace Issue 5: Thresholds

How did you and Jane receive this news?
"I physically couldn't talk. That was my reaction. Jane and I were both petrified. At first, we didn't want to tell anyone, so when we finally did and people said things like, 'I don't care that he's gay, how are you doing?' we felt relieved. I'm not proud of it, but I admit that back then I was a pretty serious bigot. But Paul educated us. Helped me to come to grips with it."
Paul was diagnosed with HIV in late 1987 or early 1988. Before you was yet another threshold. How did you and Jane decide what to do?
"We thought we'd lose our teaching jobs. We didn't know how anyone would react. Paul would tell me terrible stories of families not receiving the news well. Back then, kids "came out" and parents "went into" the closet. I guess for me the basic message of Christianity, of unconditional love, stuck. Forgive your neighbor. Seven times seven if you must. Paul made some mistakes ... and if he hadn't perhaps he would be alive today. But it was out of the question for me to divorce my kids. Case closed."
As Paul's disease progressed, people from Peace Lutheran (their church at the time) volunteered to help and when Paul died in 1991, Ted remembers that the funeral was "standing room only; it was remarkable." Having a faith community to support you "is substantial and important. When Jane died (in 2016) and the same with Paul’s funeral - there was a mob - nobody said a word, they just showed up. That sustained me."
"Being physically present," like the community of faith was for Ted, "can be life changing for the people you support."
PAGE 9
One 5th grader in the district even sent Jane a handmade card with a torn rainbow. Following Paul's death, Ted and Jane were invited to speak at Billings High Schools and several churches about their experiences. "Our main message was to educate kids about being responsible in terms of sexual behavior," but the Clark's willingness to share their story also helped change lots of opinions. Governor Racicot even presented Jane, Heather (their daughter), and Ted an award for their work in HIV/AIDS education in the community.
The Clark family receiving an award from Gov. Racicot
What advice do you have for others who stand at a threshold moment?
"It is possible. It is possible to change. Loving Paul made me recognize that my first obligation is to humanity. To share compassion, which is just love in another form. Paul's life changed my politics, so now I advocate for our gay brothers and sisters. I try to show up, because it can be life-sustaining for the person you support. Our children have to be accepted. There has to be unconditional love. Isn't it Christ who asks us to do just that? You would be surprised how many people share your compassion; it overwhelms those who don’t. To me, that’s the essence of church."