Page 48 - March 2019 - v1_june_july_2009.qxd

48 List of Conspiracy Views of Alex Jones

List of conspiracist views hundred thousand years... God isn't gonna let continent contains much, much more than just a
demons into the fourth dimension." few frozen bacteria and a hidden lake.
held by one The wilder minds of the internet have

Alex Emerick Jones Alex Jones Said Bans made a series of sensational claims about the
South Pole, suggesting it’s home to alien bases
Would Strengthen Him. and even a lost human civilisation.

Continued from Page 45 He Was Wrong. Few readers are going to have the chance
to explore Antarctica any time soon, so we’ve

• “Liberal Lesbians": "Most of the so-called collected together some of the mysteries which
'liberal lesbians' and all these groups, they have intrigued scientists — and a few of the wild
Continued from Page 40
just wanna have the guy with the ducks ass theories which have lit up the internet.
haircut, and the James Dean outfit. And,
But both figures have since fallen to nearly pre- THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS
sure, James Dean wasn't slapping girls
ban levels. And the spike could not replace the
around, but they wanna be the ones slapping
lost traffic from the top three Facebook and You won’t find this theory in any science books,
the girls around and statistically it shows it.
YouTube channels for Infowars, which together but a quick Google search will throw up screeds
I'm not blaming all lesbians, but it shows
averaged roughly 900,000 video views a day in of bizarre claims that Atlantis is frozen in
that most of these butch lesbians, they
the three weeks before the ban, according to Antarctic ice.
wanna be the guy smacking the hot chick
Tubular Labs. Conspiracy theorists suggested the
around, they think that's manly. And a lot of
Other outlets have not helped much. object was man-made, hailing it as proof that a
the chicks, they like it, see, 'cause no man
Even as Mr. Jones’s account has remained on city was buried beneath the ice.
will do that to 'em, and I'm not saying it's
Twitter, his videos there attract 21,000 views on But scientists have since said the strange
good if a man does that, but some women
average, compared with 44,500 views per mound was sastrugi — sharp grooves formed on
like it, and if they can't find a man to smack
YouTube video, according to NeoReach, which snow by strong winds.
'em around, well they found them a girl
helps brands market on social media. The
gonna do it real good. Knock 'em upside
Infowars accounts on other sites, such as BLOOD FALLS
their head. And they have 'Fifty Shades of
Dailymotion, Amazon’s Twitch and BitChute, a
Gray' about the sexy rich guy that's gonna
video site mostly for people barred from A wound-like gash that spurts red liquid out of
chain you up. 'Course you're gonna go get
YouTube, garner views in the hundreds for the Taylor Glacier has puzzled scientists since
chained up one time, they're gonna put that
videos — and often fewer. its discovery in 1911.
devil mask or that piggy mask on and they're
NeoReach said an analysis of Mr. An Australian geologist stumbled upon
gonna say, 'Now I'm gonna torture you for
Jones’s followers on social media showed that the Antarctic waterfall in 1911 and put forward
about six weeks, so start begging for your
most were white married men, with an average the theory that the “blood” was just water that
mommy and your daddy.' That's the liberals.
age of 28 and average annual income of had been stained by microscopic red algae.
They wanna get you in a dungeon. They
$46,500. NeoReach said his Twitter account But researchers from the University of
wanna strap you down and take a buzz saw
“has a notable audience concentration in New Alaska Fairbanks and Colorado College claimed
and chop the top of your head off like a
York.” that Blood Falls is flowing from a large lake
pumpkin and pull it off and get a little spoon
Despite Mr. Jones’s early which has been trapped under the ice for one
and go, when you're looking in the mirror,
pronouncements that the bans would make his million years.
this is one thing I know they like to do, and
Infowars operation stronger, there are signs he is This mystery is far from solved,
they go, 'I'm gonna eat your brains now,
concerned. however, because scientists haven’t been able to
[maniacal laughter]. Let's start, let's start at
On one recent show, he ranted without fully explore this lake, which has remained
the side areas here, 'cause we don't wanna
evidence that Silicon Valley companies gave liquid when it probably should have frozen over.
take away your sight at the back or your
liberals like the billionaire George Soros access It’s believed that oxidised iron gives the
thinking in the front, I'm gonna eat your
to their users’ personal data, including “your water its rusty tinge.
cerebral cortex last [more maniacal
film roll, what you did with your wife, your kids,
laughter], 'cause I've got POWER, I LOVE
you know, in the bathtub, Grandma.” A NAZI SPACE BASE
SATAN, AND I'M GONNA SUCK YOU
“It’s all theirs,” he shouted. “And
DRY AND I'M GONNA TORTURE YOU
everybody’s lining up to kiss these monsters’ Some conspiracy theorists believe the Nazis
TO DEATH! [Even more maniacal
disgusting satanic souls.” claimed an area of Antarctica as German
laughter]'"
Seconds later, the show went to a break, territory and sent an expedition there.
• Hillary Clinton: "Folks, let me just tell you
cutting to a recorded promotion in which Mr. German scientists then mapped the area
something, and if the media wants to run
Jones urged his followers to share Infowars’ to discovered a network of rivers and caves, one
with this, that's fine... Hillary, reportedly, I
videos on social media and to sign up for its of which led to a large underground lake.
mean, I've been told by people around her
newsletter “so there’s no way the censors can get A city-sized base was built near the lake
that they think she's demon possessed, okay?
between us.”[] called “Base 22” or “New Berlin”, which was
I'm just gonna go ahead and say it... She is a
supposedly was home to not only Nazis,
demon. This is Biblical, she's going to
launch a nuclear war." Antarctica’s greatest according to Vladimir Terziski, from Bulgaria.
But this theory loses credibility quickly
• Morning Joe Hosts: "They're like mysteries, from lost
gonorrhea or syphilis... You have to because it’s claimed the base was used to launch
understand folks, they literally wanna civilisations to a secret missions to the moon.
destroy you, okay? Do you realize how evil Colin Summerhayes, a geologist at the
these guys are?" Nazi space base University of Cambridge, has previously
• Demons and Dimensions: "[Various liberal published an entire paper dedicated to quashing
rumours about a secret Nazi space base.
thinkers, speakers, and politicians] have It is the last great unexplored wilderness on the
broken into this dimension, they wanna face of our planet and it’s shrouded in icy However, the Nazis really did have a
destroy us... If you're a good person and you mysteries. base in the Arctic, which was abandoned more
take the DMT and go to the 5th dimension, But what’s the truth about the frozen than 70 years ago when its crew was poisoned
6th dimension... They act real friendly, but continent of Antarctica? by polar bear meat. []
Mescalito gets mean later. He's a goat by the For scientists, it’s a freezing cold time- “Any entity or platform that gives Alex Jones
way, it's Baphomet who you meet. It capsule that contains clues about life on the the opportunity to spew his hate messages via
happens to basically everybody. Unless planet before meddling humans came along and any media is complicit in any actions resulting
you're a good guy, and then you get ruined everything. from his hate mongering rhetoric.”
transported to a space prison for a couple But for conspiracy theorists, the icy - Rob McConnell - REL-MAR