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FEATURES | EASTERN HORIZON 55

“Maybe there are religions that get In Zen, it’s said that in the expert’s
Waldinger. “It might be nurturing
to total happiness and bliss. But mind there are few possibilities,
their grandchildren. It might be
Zen doesn’t work that way, and it but in the beginner’s mind there
making a beautiful garden. It might
certainly hasn’t for me,” he says. are many. What would happen if
be volunteering in Africa.”
Happiness in the real world doesn’t we were to bring fresh eyes to old
mean every day, every moment is Like the study, says Waldinger, relationships? What if we looked at
happy. Buddhist teachings also place a our family members as if for the first
high value on relationships. In fact, time? “What if we brought beginner’s
Through meditation, Waldinger has
sangha, community, is one of the mind to the family dinner?” asks
gotten to know his own mind and
“three jewels” of Buddhism, on par Waldinger. “Often what happens is
body, and this knowing has been a
with the Buddha and the teachings. that relationships become ossified.
source of frustration because, as he We settle into roles and fixed images
puts it, he watches his mind “do the
Waldinger at his ordination as a of the other, but of course those
same ridiculous things it’s always
Zen priest: “It’s a role I hope to images are distortions.”
done.” But beyond the frustration,
grow into.”
he’s found more self-acceptance. According to Waldinger, one of the
Members of a spiritual community most powerful tools for improving
Waldinger laughs when he tells
can support each other in practical our relationships is meditating.
the story of having tea during that
ways, driving people to doctor’s Through meditation, we get to
retreat. A little tray of snacks was
appointments or cooking them know ourselves, and when we
being passed around and, from
meals. And the relationship in truly understand our own minds
the end of the line, Waldinger was
community provides spiritual and bodies, we understand a lot
eyeing the one remaining brownie.
nourishment as well. about other people’s minds and
“I found myself really wanting it and bodies too. That makes us more
thinking, Oh God! Who’s going to “Individually, we can get lost,” compassionate with ourselves and
take it? Then I stopped and realized, Waldinger says. “We get caught up everyone around us.
In a few hours, I’m going to receive in worries and in being so sure that
dharma transmission, and all I can something needs to be different Article reprinted with the kind
think about is whether I get that than it is. In community, we remind permission of Andrea Miller.
brownie! Yep, this is what I do, and each other of truths that are easy
this is what I’m always going to do, to lose sight of—the truth of Source: www.lionsroar.com EH
but there’s much less pain about it, impermanence, the truth of no fixed
much less agitation.” self, the truth of everything being
okay at a certain level just as it is.”
Being able to live a fortunate life
depends a lot on luck—on having Whether it’s with our spiritual
good health and having your loved community, family, coworkers,
ones with you. Circumstances can or friends, there are ways we can
always change in a heartbeat. But improve our relationships. Maybe
right now, says Robert Waldinger, we can let go of our grudges and
“I’m living a very fortunate life.” reach out to the family member
we haven’t spoken to in years.
“One of the things that our
Maybe we can replace a little screen
participants talk about is the
time with “people time,” or liven
satisfaction from being involved in
up a stale relationship by doing
endeavors beyond the self,” says
something new together.