Page 121 - What Is Not Yours Is Not Yours

a brief history of the homely wench society

From: Willa Reid <stonecoldwilla@hotmail.com>
To: Dayang Sharif <okinamaro1993@gmail.com>
Date: November 12th 2012, 18:25

Subject: JOIN US

Dear Dayang,
Among Cambridge University’s many clubs, unions, academic forums, interest groups, activist
cells and societies, there’s a sisterhood that emerged in direct opposition to a brotherhood. What
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this sisterhood lacks in numbers it more than makes up for in lionheartedness : The Homely
Wench Society. The Homely Wenches can’t be discussed without first noting that it was the
Bettencourt Society that necessitated the existence of precisely this type of organized and
occasionally belligerent female presence at the university.
The Bettencourt Society has existed since 1875. The Bettencourters are also known as “the
Franciscans” because a man gets elected to this society on the basis of his having sufficient
charisma to tame both bird and beast. Just like Francis of Assisi. Each year at the end of Lent
term the society hosts a dinner at its headquarters, a pocket-sized palace off Magdalene Street
that was left to the university by Hugh Bettencourt with the stipulation that it be used solely for
Bettencourt Society activities. If you’ve heard of the Bettencourters you may already known the
following facts: No woman enters this building unless a member of the Bettencourt Society has
invited her, and no Bettencourt Society member invites a woman into the building unless it’s for
this annual dinner of theirs. And getting invited to the dinner is dependent on your being
considered exceptionally attractive.
The Homely Wench Society has only existed since 1949. The women who were its first
members had heard about the Bettencourt Society and weren’t that impressed with what they
heard about the foundational principles of these so-called Franciscans. As for their annual
dinner . . . hmm, strangely insecure of intelligent people to spend time patting each other on the
backs for having social skills and getting pretty girls to have dinner with them. But people may
spend their time as they please. No, the first Homely Wench Society members didn’t have a
problem with the Bettencourt Society until Giles Rutherford (Bettencourt Society President, 1949,
Ph.D. Candidate in the Classics Faculty) was writing a poem and got stuck. What he needed, he
said, was to lay eyes on a girl whose very name conjured up the idea of ugliness the same way
invoking Helen of Troy did for beauty. Luckily for Giles Rutherford’s poem, the first wave of female
Cantabs working toward full degree certification were on hand to be ogled at. Rutherford sent his
Bettencourt Society brethren out into the university with this task: “Find me the homeliest wench in
the university, my brothers. Search high and low, do not rest until you’ve sketched her face and
form and brought it to me. Comb Girton in particular; something tells me you’ll find her there.” 2
The Bettencourters looked into every corner of Newnham and Girton and found many legends in