Page 23 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

you’ve exhausted your belief in the known that you look for answers out in
the unknown. It’s faith, it’s belief, that keeps you going. Nevertheless.

The longest night of my life is this long flight where I find myself seated.
I feel time to the millionth part of a second. It is like boarding a rocket only
to be lost in space, not knowing when I would return. Every second, I see
flashes of my past life, here and there.

When I break out of my reverie occasionally, I think of all the reasons
why this flight should not spiral down. I am a nervous flyer and no matter
how hard I try to lower my anxiety, it wouldn’t help. But today, I can’t die.

As I look at the baggage cabinet, assured that the box is safe in my
backpack, I am reminded of all the years I have waited to embark on this
journey. Mom, I carry a piece of you wherever I go. The piece isn’t round
and smooth. It’s scratched and broken. It hurts me as it reminds me of the
unspoken words, unkept promises, and uncalled-for advances. It’s
unbearable to carry it any further. Sometimes, I wish to claw it out and let it
sink in the deep sea. I would bleed for a while but eventually I would be set

free from the pain of carrying it—the piece of you! Not all pain is physical,
not all abuse is physical, some of it is emotional, and I desire to heal—heal
by the deep sea, heal beneath the warming sun.