Page 117 - In Five Years

Five days later, I’m back at an appointment with Bella. We’ve been referred to a
gynecological oncologist who will sort and determine the course of surgery and
treatment. This time, it’s just the two of us. Bella asked Aaron to stay behind. I
wasn’t there for that conversation. I do not know what it looked like. Whether he

fought. Whether he was relieved.
We’re introduced to Dr. Shaw in his office on Park Avenue, between Sixty-

Second and Sixty-Third. It’s so civilized when we pull up, I think we’ve been
given the wrong address—are we headed to a luncheon?
His office is subtler, more subdued—inside there are patients who are
suffering. You can tell. Dr. Finky’s office is the first stop—the new and freshly

washed train, full of steam. Dr. Shaw is where you go for the remaining miles.
Once the nurse takes us back, Dr. Shaw comes in to greet us quickly.

Immediately I like his friendly face—it’s open, even a little earnest. He smiles
often. I can tell Bella likes him, too.
“Where are you from?” she asks him.

“Florida, actually,” he says. “Sunshine state.”
“It’s always been strange to me that Florida is the sunshine state,” Bella says.
“It should be California.”

“You know,” Dr. Shaw says. “I agree.”
He’s tall, and when he folds himself onto his small rolling stool his knees
nearly come up to his elbows.

“Alright,” he says. “Here’s what we’re going to do.”
Dr. Shaw presents the plan. Surgery to “debulk” the tumor, followed by four
rounds of chemo over two months. He warns us that it will be brutal. I find

myself, more than once in Dr. Shaw’s office, wishing I could trade places with
Bella. It should be me. I’m strong. I can handle it. I’m not sure Bella can.
The surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, back at Sinai hospital. It’s a full

hysterectomy, and they’re also removing both her ovaries and her fallopian
tubes. Something called a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy. I find myself
Googling medical terms in the car, on the subway, in the bathroom at work.

She’ll no longer produce eggs. Or have a place where they could, one day,
develop.
At this revelation, Bella starts to cry.

“Can I freeze my eggs first?” she asks.