Page 161 - In Five Years

“Oh,” he says. “I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”
I’m cognizant of the time, of how little he has. “I’m controlling,” I say,
getting to the punch.
Dr. Shaw laughs. It’s a nice laugh, odd in this hospital setting. “I’m familiar

with this dynamic,” he says. “But she’ll come around.”
“I don’t know,” I say.

“She will, “ he says. “You’re here. One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t try
and make this experience above the simplicity of humanity, it won’t work.”
I stare at him. I’m not sure what he means, he can tell.
“You’re still you, she’s still her. You still have emotions. You’ll still fight.

You can try and be perfect, but it will backfire. Just keep being here, instead.”
His pager goes off again. This time he snaps the lid back down on his cup.

“Unfortunately, duty calls.” He stands and extends his hand. “Hang in there,” he
says. “I know the road isn’t easy, but stay the course. You’re doing good.”
I stay sitting near the Starbucks cart for another hour, until I know Bella has

finished treatment and is safely out of the building. When I head home I call
David, but there is no answer.

The following week, I’m not at the hospital but, instead, on a plane with
Aldridge to Los Angeles. Aldridge is seeing another client while we’re out there,

a pharmaceutical giant who sends their jet for our use. We board with Kelly
James, a litigating partner I’ve never said more than twenty words to over the
course of my nearly five years at Wachtell.

It’s a ten-seater, and I take the one in the rear, by the window. I lean my head
against the glass. I said yes to this trip without considering what it means. It is,
of course, an answer to Aldridge’s original question. Yes. Yes I’ll take on the

case. Yes, I’ll commit to this.
“You’re doing the right thing,” David told me last night. “This could be huge
for your career. And you love this company.”

“I do,” I say. “I just can’t help but feel like people here need me.”
“We’ll survive,” he said. “I promise we’ll all survive.”
And now here I am, flying over an endless mountain range in pursuit of the

ocean.