Page 159 - In Five Years

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It’s the first week of November, and Bella won’t speak to me. I call her. I send
David over with food. “Just give her a little time,” he tells me. I don’t express
the absurdity of his statement to him. I can’t even think it, much less say it out

loud.
Dr. Christine is no more surprised to see me back in her office than I am to be
there. She wants to know about my family, and so I tell her about Michael. I

remember him less and less these days. What he was like. I try and focus on the
details. His laugh, the strange way his forearms hung from his elbows, like there
was just too much limb. His brown, curly hair, like baby ringlets, and his wide

brown eyes. How he used to call me “pal.” How he’d always invite me to hang
out in the tent in our backyard, even if his friends were over. He didn’t seem to
have any of the hang-ups older brothers usually have about their little sisters. We

fought, sure, but I always knew he loved me, that he wanted me around.
Dr. Christine tells me I am learning to deal with a life I cannot control. What

she doesn’t say, what she doesn’t have to, is that I’m failing at it.
I still go to the chemo appointments, I just don’t go upstairs. I sit in the lobby
and read through work emails until I know Bella’s finished.
The following Wednesday, Dr. Shaw walks by. I’m sitting on a cement ledge,

some fake foliage dangling below me, doing some paperwork.
“Humpty Dumpty,” he says.

I look up, so startled I nearly fall.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”