Page 184 - In Five Years

David exhales. At least he’s not going to make me wait for it.
“Look,” he says. “We need to talk.”
I turn to face him. He looks tired, withdrawn, the same temperature as the
food before us.

“Okay,” I say.
“I—” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m the one who has to do this.”

His tone sounds just a little bit bitter.
“I’m sorry.”
He ignores me. “Do you know what this feels like?”
“No,” I admit. “I don’t.”

“I love you,” he says.
“I love you, too.”

He shakes his head. “I love you, but I’m sick of being the person who fits in
your life but not your . . . fuck it, your heart.”
I feel it in my body. It punches me right there, right on the tender underside.

“David,” I say. My stomach clenches. “You do.”
He shakes his head. “You may love me, but I think we both know you don’t
want to marry me.”

I hear Bella’s words echoed, here, with David. You’re not in love with him.
“How can you say that? We’re engaged, we’re planning a wedding. We’ve
been together for seven and a half years.”

“And we’ve been engaged for five. If you wanted to marry me, you would
have already.”
“But Bella—”

“It’s not about Bella!” he says. He raises his voice, another thing he never
does. “It’s not. If it were. God, Dannie, I feel horrible about all of this. I know
what she means to you. I love her, too. But what I’m saying is . . . it’s not the

issue. This isn’t happening because she got sick. You were dragging your heels
way before that.”
“We were busy,” I say. “We were working. Life. That was both of us.”

“I asked the question!” David says. “You knew where I stood. I was trying to
be patient. How long am I supposed to wait?”
“Until the summer,” I say. I smooth a napkin down in my lap. Focus on the

plan. “What is the big deal with six months?”