Page 83 - Today’s Business Communication; A How-to Guide for the Modern Professional

72 TODAY’S BUSINESS COMMUNICATION

Message 1
Dear Colleagues,
It is with sadness that I ask you to join me to convey our condolences to FEMALE
EMPLOYEE. her mother passed away on XXXX. We share her pain and have her
and her family in our prayers. Additional information will be forwarded to you as we
receive it.
Best,
Organizational Leader
Message 2
Dear Colleagues,
It is with sadness again that I ask you to join me to convey our condolences to MALE
EMPLOYEE. his mother-in-law passed away last week. We share her pain and have
her and her family in our prayers. Additional information will be forwarded to you as
we receive it.
Best,
Organizational Leader
Figure 6.1 Insincere condolence messages?

most importantly, think about her son Jamie Janes. When others shrug
off the ideas of proofreading and revising, share this story with them.
So you don’t see yourself in the position of Prime Minister? Proofread-
ing and revising are still important. For example, look at the two email
messages in Figure 6.1. These emails were sent to the members of a lead-
er’s organization. Unfortunately, two members of the organization expe-
rienced personal tragedy. In a sincere effort to inform the other members
and pass along condolences to the affected members, the leader sent out
these two emails within 16 minutes of one another. If you are a worker
reading the first message, it would likely come off as direct and sincere.
However, in light of the cut-and-paste job with the glaring typo (sentence
three) in the second email, both messages come off as insincere. It is not
unusual for leaders to use message templates, but the third sentence of the
second message undermines the leader’s intent for both messages.

Proofreading, Revising, and Your
Professional Reputation

If you’re like us, you don’t want a lack of proofreading to undermine
your message or your credibility. Although we aren’t perfect, we must all