Page 17 - iAV Digital Edition #398
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The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
The following is suppos- edly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, sur- prising, or funny.
Los Angeles Times, December 9: A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if hold- ing a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.... Only in the AV
One day a drunk minister gets pulled over by a police officer.
Police Officer: Have you been drinking alcohol?
Minister: No, sir. Just this bottle of water.
Police Officer: That looks like a bottle of Chardonnay to me.
Minister: (looking up) Sweet Jesus! You've done it again!
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...most- ly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.
Sally’s dad signed her
report card, putting a note on the back:
Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.
A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the show- er, rub the top of your breasts and say, 'Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies.'"
She did this every day faithfully and after sever- al months, it worked! She grew great boobs! One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her new boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up right in the middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby doobies, I want bigger boobies!"
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?" "Why, yes, I do. How did you know?" "Hickory dickory dock"!
Welcome to the 21st Century Where everything is less
Our phones, wireless Cooking, fireless Cars ~ Keyless Tires ~ Tubeless Dress ~ Sleeveless Youth ~ Jobless Women ~ Topless Leaders ~ Shameless
Relationships ~ Meaningless
Attitude ~ Careless
Wives ~ Fearless
Babies ~ Fatherless
Feelings ~ Heartless
Education ~ Valueless
Children ~ Mannerless
Everything is becoming LESS but still our hopes are ~ Endless.
In fact we are ~ Speechless
And Government is ~ CLUELESS!!
And our Politicians are ~ WORTHLESS!!
Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you're sorry.
Son: For what? Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what ? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But...what have i done wrong ?
Father: Say sorry!
Son: WHY?
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!! Son: OK, Dad...i'm sorry!
Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get mar- ried!
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824-
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
2 Truck lumber racks & utili- ty bed • 225-9693402
97 Kia Sephia body parts $100 for all • 728-7687402
New John Deere Gator tires. Size 25x12x9 $40ea • 350-4188400
Bed cover for truck $75 • 225-9693400
2 Lumber racks for big truck $100ea • 225-9693400
1968-72 VW carburator w/ linkage $100 • 522-1832400
bet 8am-8:30pm only385
Mercedes Benz brakelight lens covers for 1970-1980’s. Disconnected, ready to go. One pair $68 • 272-9273
377 bet 8am-8:30pm
Repair manual for Dodge full size pick up trucks 1994-96 $21 for 2WD & 4WD, gas & diesel engines • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm377
13” Dexter rim for very old trailer. Good cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Repair manual for basic car- buration & fuel sys $35. The how & why for all things car- burator. Includes smog, emissions, fuel pumps & lines • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm only373
Chrysler/Dodge/Eagle repair manual 1993-97 $18. Chrysler LHS, Concorde & New Yorker. Also Dodge Intrepid & Eagle Vision. In good shape • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm37
Flywheels for V8 Chevy motors $21. For older chevy motor • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm37
Used tire, 65% tread left $23. P215/65/R17 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only363
Chilton’s repair manual for Mazda cars 1978-89, good cond. Models 323, 626, 929, GLC, MX-6 & RX7 $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only352
Chiltons repair manual for GM cars 1982-1992. Covers Chevy Celebrity, Buick Century, Olds Cutlass, Pontiac Ciera $24 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm only352
Emergency “Skinny” tires, 4 & 5 lug rims. Fits Ford, GM & others on 15” rims $15ea • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm331
1 Used tire 215/60R16, good cond, 50% tread left $25 • 272-9273 between 8:30am-8:30pm394
Chevy antique truck emblem w/ lock to open trunk. Not sure what make or year. Possibly mid 1950’s • 272-9273 between
8:30am-8:30pm 331
Mid 1950’s F250 emblem. One only, great cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm330
1” ball trailer hitch $15. No ball, just hitch. 1.25”x1.25”x13”long for rid- ing mowers & small tractors • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
3333
257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us
MOBILE HOME
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAgE/
SPACE
SeCure Mini STorAGe. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
WAnTED
TO REnT
Single woman w/ a cat in need of a room to rent in Palmdale. Prior IHHS work- er & can cook & clean •
200-8230 400
Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz repair manual $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
400
Dodge pick up repair manu- al,1974.2&4wd.V6&V8, new cond $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm400
Repair manual for Chrysler LHS, New Yorker, Intrepid & Eagle Vision • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm400
VW official service manual for Fast & Squareback, 1968-1973 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm400
Free: Small tires & wheels • 256-4904398
1982 official Chevy light truck shop manual. Great cond $35 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-8:30pm394
Parting out 1977 Ford F150 pick up, complete. Has not run for over 10yrs. No win- dows • 272-9273 bet 8am-
8:30pm only
391
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us today. Ask for Tony Austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
L A n D
Yucca, Arizona: 2.5acres
a house. In town $15,000 •
1969 Fisher body service manual, very rare $35. In depth on everything but motor & Trans • 272-9273
bet 8am-8:30pm 390
Repair manual for 1984-94 Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz. Slightly used, good cond $15 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
Old chrome V6 metal emblem $19, some pitting maybe from an old International Harvester • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm387
Chilton Toyota truck repair manual from 1970-88. Includes wiring & vacuum diagrams. For Land Cruiser & 4Runner, 4wheel drive & diesel engines • 272-9273
944-7171
393
$5000 • 728-7687
402
California City: Residential lot, all utilities $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
SPORTinG
W. Lancaster: 5 acres. $20,000 • 944-7171
Cal City: Flat land ready to build w/ all utilities. Next to
GOOdS
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
MoBile hoMe For SAle! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dish- washer, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furnitures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
Home gym, 4 stations, 150lbs of weights, xlnt cond
401 $325 • 947-3066
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;