Page 3 - Coping Skills Ten Life Rules

COPING SKILLS TEN LIFE RULES II. I shall not ask others to do for me, things I could and should do for myself.You ask others to do for you those things that are difficult, boring or scary. But by their “helping,” you fail to develop the skills to deal with the difficult, boring or scary things in life. As a consequence, you may see yourself as weak, incompetent and helpless. This will condemn you to a life that is difficult, boring and scary. Most children, when they are young, ask their parents, siblings, and teachers to help them with the difficult, boring or scary things in their lives. It is only natural that we respond to their requests. In many cases, these requests become less frequent as the child becomes more competent (matures) in dealing with tasks, situations and others. Some children however, continue to expect and even demand that others do things for them. They may not pick up after themselves. They may insist that you help them with their homework. They may want you to talk to the parent of a child that gives them a hard time at school. It may be a demand that you “prove you love me” or any number of other rationales. But ultimately, this type of thinking will lead to a self-image that is not truly functional. The sad story of Howard Whosjobisit, illustrates this type of thinking and the negative consequences that happened. The child that is always wanting someone to do something that they “Could and should do for yourself” will see themselves as unable to deal effectively with life. They may shy away from novel or difficult situations. Their way of coping in life may be to develop an “acceptable” set of people with which to associate, only have certain foods they will eat, and certain places they will go. As they grow older, they may gravitate to others who see their roles as the “strong,” “controlling” type who will “protect” them. The results of this type of thinking may not be this extreme but a self-image of being “weak, incompetent and helpless” will greatly limit your happiness and success in life. If your child or you as an adult, use this commandment to evaluate the situations in your life, “Is this something I could and should do for myself” and then follow through with “doing it,” you will realize that you can be… brave, competent and in control of your life.