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Yet questions continued to haunt me, and confusion and doubts kept me from joining whole heartedly into Sai activities. How could I follow Sai Baba and still be true to my Jewish faith? How could there be a benign and loving God when such unbearable suffering existed in the world? Why had Sam put up so many pictures of Sai Baba in our home? How would our children survive in their social world when their parents had such unusual beliefs? How should I deal with my parents who were less than happy about the strange direction our lives were taking?
Despite all of my questioning, our daughters felt secure in our developing relationship with Sai Baba and responded instinctively to Baba’s love. We began to feel his presence in our home and in unusual Sai incidents in our lives. For example, once we strongly felt his presence while Sam was in India. The house had been peaceful and still, and our six-year-old daughters and I were quietly talking about their dad’s third trip. “Is Sai Baba real?” they asked. My voice faltered as I answered, “Yes, I have seen him with my own eyes.” Immediately, the silence was broken by a loud crash from across the room. A newly framed picture of Sai Baba, siing on a small table, had suddenly crashed to the floor, as if in response to the question. The girls and I jumped in amazement and surprise, and wondered aloud, “Was that a sign from Sai Baba?”
However, I still had no idea who Baba was. Like many people, I was aracted to Sai Baba’s loving personality, his emphasis on human values, and the way he lived these values. My parents had taught me the importance of living a loving and ethical life. Yet, the world was suffering from the absence of basic values, and Sai Baba offered a profound level of teaching about life that both intrigued and challenged me.
So, while the questions kept coming, I held on tightly to Sai Baba, never once losing my grip for fear that I might be missing out on his supreme promise: that he could transform my life forever and help me escape from the darkness of a life devoid of belief. I wanted to be free from fear; I wanted to have faith.
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