Page 224 - WLMIG_6132004.indd
P. 224

All ten psychiatrists were poised and ready for the trip, bags packed and ready for the dash to the airplane, if only their visas would be granted. I was assured by the Indian embassy in Moscow that they would indeed be granted visas within 10 minutes of the telex arrival. Almost, almost, almost, but not quite. My last phone call was 6:30 p.m. in Delhi, 5:00 p.m. Moscow time, just as the Indian embassy in Moscow closed. They had not received the telex, and the trip was off.
I had been glued to the telephone faithfully for four days and away from precious time with Swami. I had dealt with the inefficient hotel telephone system, busy international lines, and difficult personalities. Aer my last phone call to Misha, finding that the trip was off, I fell back heavily into my hotel room bed and was unable to move a muscle. I hoped for the energy to cry so that I could let out some of the tension, but I could not find enough for a whimper. Empty and completely without strength, I lay motionless. During my last call to Misha, he had said not to worry, everyone understood, that it was like a game and almost enjoyable, though trying, and that we were still friends.
Defeated and depressed, I checked out of the hotel. In the Delhi airport, I was told that since I had not confirmed a seat, I might not be able to get the flight. Too weak and feeble to argue, I sat resigned to my fate and just waited. Yes, was the final word, I could get on the plane. Dejected and crestfallen, I limped back to Bangalore.
All the time, I knew this trial was a game. All the time, I knew it was Swami in another form. All the time, I knew that his maya was so inscrutable that I could never fathom it. All the time, I knew that my hurt was only in my psychological body. It was only my ego. Still, I hurt.
I arrived at the ashram at about 6:30 p.m. while Swami was giving his divine Guru Purnima discourse. I quickly put my travel bag in my room and ran to the Poornachandra Auditorium. Ah, how beautiful was Swami. Even with my hurt
224





























































































   222   223   224   225   226