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psyche and shaered ego, I was so happy to be home. It was so familiar and so wonderful to be close to Swami. There he was in all his magnificence. No maer what the drama, when you’re around Swami, all is well.
Aer the discourse, I was happy to hear one of my friends tell me that before his talk, Swami had asked a devotee, “Where is Sandweiss?” As if he didn’t know! Later in an interview, when talking to a devotee and before I had a chance to tell him about my Delhi disappointment, Swami pointed out that this devotee was having trouble with his visa. Then looking smilingly into my eyes, he said, “Visa problem, visa problem, visa problem.” Oh, how mischievously he toyed with my ego, and oh, how much deeper that testing and play brought me to Swami. Bewilderment melted into love.
Sacrifice is sweeter than joy. (SSB)
Swami then invited my family and Carolyn in for a private interview. When we had gathered around, Swami told me not to worry, that the Russians would be coming in the future. He then turned to Carolyn, who was visibly disappointed that the Russians could not come. Having less experience with the teacher of detachment than I, her expectations were sorely shaered. She looked glum and downhearted.
With an innocent smile Swami asked, “And how is your boyfriend?” Carolyn answered challengingly, “You know more than I, Swami. You tell me how he is doing.” With this Swami sweetly looked over at me and said, “No, I don’t know more than you. I know everything, I know everything.” This statement had extreme meaning for me at this particular point. I remember talking to the Russian psychiatrists and telling them that Swami knew everything. Even at the time, I questioned myself about how I could make such an expansive statement and had wished that Swami would tell me in person that, indeed, he did know everything. Here, at the depth of my struggle,
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