Page 105 - The Circle of Life

marriage proposal. Consequently the custom came into being that the woman

would hold onto the glove of the husband to be or the husband to be
represented by a mate during the marriage ceremony. They would then be
married like any other couple and subject to all the usual rules except physical

presence. The consummation of the marriage I presume must take place as soon

after as is humanely possible as European law is quite strict on that.

It is important to remember that this is not an arranged marriage in the usual

sense of the word where the parents make the decisions for the couple. This was
done between consenting adults as a practical way to get married over a long

distance. Typically it was resorted to when a couple wish to marry but one or
both partners cannot attend for reasons such as military service or imprisonment

(why on earth then marry I ask?) or whatever.

Interestingly it is still happening where a couple lives in jurisdictions in which
they cannot legally marry. An example would be Israel where only people

belonging to the same religious faith may be legally married. Being exceedingly
clever people (my father was one) they got around it with by way of proxy. Local

traditions must be respected.

* Amen says my American Patriot who once conspired to have me eat

barbequed alligators of all things. Still does not believe my contention that such
behaviour is against my African tradition so we declared a truce which only

means she won and I ate it and appreciatively too. Does not taste like chicken

but anyway. I am still alive.

Arranged marriages is not forced marriages

As Westerners we frown on arranged marriages where the bride and groom are
selected by a third party and not each other. However, I have many Muslim

clients who are adamant that it is not without consent. Muslim law demands
consent in any case and it honours their family traditions.

They also say that although the wishes of the parents are important it is more

than possible for the couple to make their wishes known in advance and leave
the negotiations to the family. Observably this is not what we as Westerners

understand as an arranged marriage where two people are shanghaied into a

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