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here without me,’ with an air of regret which to some extent
consoled me; if, on the other hand, she had been invited to
a party, and I, not knowing this, asked her whether she was
coming to play with us, she would reply: ‘Indeed I hope not!
Indeed I hope Mamma will let me go to my friend’s.’ But
on these days I did at least know that I should not see her,
whereas on others, without any warning, her mother would
take her for a drive, or some such thing, and next day she
would say: ‘Oh, yes! I went out with Mamma,’ as though it
had been the most natural thing in the world, and not the
greatest possible misfortune for some one else. There were
also the days of bad weather on which her governess, afraid,
on her own account, of the rain, would not bring Gilberte to
the Champs-Elysées.
And so, if the heavens were doubtful, from early morn-
ing I would not cease to interrogate them, observing all the
omens. If I saw the lady opposite, just inside her window,
putting on her hat, I would say to myself: ‘That lady is go-
ing out; it must, therefore, be weather in which one can go
out. Why should not Gilberte do the same as that lady?’ But
the day grew dark. My mother said that it might clear again,
that one burst of sunshine would be enough, but that more
probably it would rain; and if it rained, of what use would
it be to go to the Champs-Elysées? And so, from breakfast-
time, my anxious eyes never left the uncertain, clouded sky.
It remained dark: Outside the window, the balcony was
grey. Suddenly, on its sullen stone, I did not indeed see a
less negative colour, but I felt as it were an effort towards
a less negative colour, the pulsation of a hesitating ray that

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