Page 140 - lady-chatterlys-lover

Chapter 9

onnie was surprised at her own feeling of aversion
Cfrom Clifford. What is more, she felt she had always re-
ally disliked him. Not hate: there was no passion in it. But a
profound physical dislike. Almost, it seemed to her, she had
married him because she disliked him, in a secret, physical
sort of way. But of course, she had married him really be-
cause in a mental way he attracted her and excited her. He
had seemed, in some way, her master, beyond her.
Now the mental excitement had worn itself out and col-
lapsed, and she was aware only of the physical aversion. It
rose up in her from her depths: and she realized how it had
been eating her life away.
She felt weak and utterly forlorn. She wished some help
would come from outside. But in the whole world there was
no help. Society was terrible because it was insane. Civilized
society is insane. Money and so-called love are its two great
manias; money a long way first. The individual asserts him-
self in his disconnected insanity in these two modes: money
and love. Look at Michaelis! His life and activity were just
insanity. His love was a sort of insanity.
And Clifford the same. All that talk! All that writing! All
that wild struggling to push himself forwards! It was just
insanity. And it was getting worse, really maniacal.
Connie felt washed-out with fear. But at least, Clifford

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