Page 343 - sons-and-lovers

of the satisfaction of self-sacrifice because he was faithful
to her. She loved him first; he loved her first. And yet it was
not enough. His new young life, so strong and imperious,
was urged towards something else. It made him mad with
restlessness. She saw this, and wished bitterly that Miriam
had been a woman who could take this new life of his, and
leave her the roots. He fought against his mother almost as
he fought against Miriam.
It was a week before he went again to Willey Farm. Mir-
iam had suffered a great deal, and was afraid to see him
again. Was she now to endure the ignominy of his abandon-
ing her? That would only be superficial and temporary. He
would come back. She held the keys to his soul. But mean-
while, how he would torture her with his battle against her.
She shrank from it.
However, the Sunday after Easter he came to tea. Mrs.
Leivers was glad to see him. She gathered something was
fretting him, that he found things hard. He seemed to drift
to her for comfort. And she was good to him. She did him
that great kindness of treating him almost with reverence.
He met her with the young children in the front garden.
‘I’m glad you’ve come,’ said the mother, looking at him
with her great appealing brown eyes. ‘It is such a sunny day.
I was just going down the fields for the first time this year.’
He felt she would like him to come. That soothed him.
They went, talking simply, he gentle and humble. He could
have wept with gratitude that she was deferential to him. He
was feeling humiliated.
At the bottom of the Mow Close they found a thrush’s

Sons and Lovers